Hot Russian Mail Order Brides Do NOT Exist!

When speaking about cross culture marriages, there is an interesting trend: relationships between a men from the USA and women from Australia is an "international relationship", yet relationships between the same men and Russian brides is a "mail order brides" thing.

Elena Petrova's Hot Russian Brides Cyber Guide http://www.womenrussia.com is at the top of many search engines for the term "Russian brides", and as a result she has often received requests for interviews from newspapers and magazines all over the world; USA, Great Britain, Ireland, Spain, Germany, Finland, Hungary, Australia, South Africa, Russia - and the list goes on. And I see a worrying trend - often a reporter already knows what kind of story he or she is going to write, before they even start their interviews.

Marrying a Russian woman is routinely portrayed by the Media as the "mail order brides" process. Those words tend to leave a nasty taste in your mouth, don't they?

The first time I heard those words were soon after my marriage when "Cosmo" happened to interview me, quite by chance. I was sitting at home, bored and decided to send a letter to a competition that the magazine was launching. "Cosmo" was looking for somebody to feature in their article about Russian brides. My letter was like a God send, and they phoned me asking for an interview. This was my first interview with the Media, and I was pretty naive at the time. I thought that "Cosmo", like all our friends and family, would find the way we met "very romantic". Imagine my surprise when I read the announcement of the future article: "South Africa's Mail Order Brides"! Honestly, I was shocked and humiliated. I had no idea that, that was the official name of the process! (The actual article had the heading "South Africa's Mail Order Romances" which sounded a bit better, and the article itself finished with the words "Welcome!" and "Good luck!" addressed to all us Russian women. All in all, the article was quite all right.)

Now, getting back on track. The history behind the term "mail order brides" goes as far back as the time of the first American settlers. The settlers, most of whom were men, could not find suitable women to marry and had to write letters to Europe asking women to become their wives. In those days, arranged marriages were common, and marrying somebody you barely knew was nothing out of the ordinary. Back then; the women truly were "mail order brides".

These days the term "mail order brides" is currently used to label the relationship between a man from a first world country and a woman from the third world country or the countries of the former USSR.

The common misconception is that the women only want a way out of their misery and terrible economic situation. Being incompetent in Filipino, Thailand, Colombian, Mexican and other mail order brides, I can tell you with confidence that this is NOT the case with Russian women seeking husbands abroad.

Russian women have a much better education than the brides from Asia and Latin America. About 90% of the women that apply to our agency have college or university degrees, or are current college or university students. With their fair complexion, their intelligence and their astounding beauty, men have often asked me if our selection is real! Our women appear too beautiful to be seeking husbands on the Internet.

Being intelligent and educated, Russian women are still feminine, warm and gentle. Competing with men is the last thing they seek in their family lives. The Russian ideal of a man is the man with whom she feels like she is "behind the stone wall", the leader, the provider and the protector. Believe it or not, the reason for all these beautiful Russian women seeking their destiny over the Internet is that they cannot find their ideal man in Russia. It is that simple - even if it sounds unbelievable.

Most Russian women seeking husbands abroad are NOT focused on finding a "foreign husband" but more importantly on finding "The Husband". We often receive requests from Russian women featured in our catalogs to remove their profiles, because they have married Russian men living in Russia - this is a clear evidence that most Russian women seeking contacts with foreign men are not fixed on moving abroad but on finding a serious relationship and getting married. For many of them, finding a husband in her home country would be preferable to moving abroad, and sometimes we even receive requests from women if she can find a man who will move in with her in Russia.

In Russia, women outnumber men (there are 10 million more women than men, according to the latest census!), and in most situations it is a question of luck if a woman manages to find herself a man or not. Russians marry early, and at the age of 25 most people are already married. If a man is not married, it can only mean he is not willing to commit - even bad men can find themselves a wife! Women must act fast if they want to get married and to ensure that they have a husband, one can only hope he will be a good man. There were even talks about changing the family legislation so that it would allow men to have multiply wives so that there would be competition among men too. (This is not a joke; this question was discussed in Russian parliament.)

Now, what is the general idea about Russian "mail order brides"?

Most men thinking about "mail order brides" services are not even aware that they will not receive their bride delivered to their postal box (or their door) on request and will have to spend time, money and effort to convince a "bride" that he is a worthy candidate for her to consider. Yes, the first contact happens usually by mail, air or electronic, but this is the case with using any Internet personals, isn't it?

The interpretation the media gives to the term "Mail order brides" is that a Russian mail order bride will marry any man, of any age, just to get out of Russia. The Mail order bride service is interpreted by most people as a service that "sells women", a service that is neither respectable nor trustworthy. Some men still believe they can point their finger at any woman and she must marry him because he paid for her address.

This "mail order brides" idea is an insult to any decent Russian woman.

C'mon, guys! Those women do not think you are doing them a favor by writing to them. They feel as if you were one of the guys who would approach her at a bar: where she can say, "yes" if she likes you, and "thanks, but no, thanks" if she doesn't. She does not owe you anything just because you selected her from the thousands of other applicants or paid 10 bucks for her contact details. If you dare to be arrogant or offensive in your letter, you are out. She knows your music and movies as well as you know them, and is also SEEKING HER SOUL MATE so remember that! Do not jeopardize your chances with her by letting yourself believe in the "mail order brides" nonsense.

Let me tell you about myself. Before I left Russia, I was working as a regional manager of a large marketing agency, which had offices in 22 regions all over Russia. At some stage I had 150 people working for me. I lived much better than most of the regular citizens, and my income would fit in the top 10% of the population. I have traveled all over Europe and Asia. I was not miserable because of the economic reasons. I was content with my life style and envied by many people, though I would be lying to you if I said my life style did not improve since I moved to the west. But as I said, for a woman in Russia I was doing very well. The only reason that I did not feel completely happy was because I could not find a good husband - and yes, finding a husband and starting a family was VERY important for me. Because of this, and only because of this, I decided to look abroad. I made a few disastrous attempts to find a partner using local personals, which I will not describe here because the subject of this article is a serious one and my meetings with the guys from personals would turn it into a sitcom. Being an industrious person, sooner or later I would end up at the "marriage agencies" as they call dating services in Russia. With me it happened later, after 3 years of thinking, because I could not believe that good, faithful, honest, caring, professional, ambitious, career orientated AND single men existed in this world, men who did not have a long queue of hopeful women knocking at their door. This would be too good to be true. Why did I eventually do it? It was the same type of thing that one does when buying a lotto ticket - do you REALLY think you will hit the jackpot? No, but it doesn't hurt to try and if you don't try, you will never even have the "hope" that you might just win.

When I started to receive letters from mostly nice, good-looking, successful guys (far from the portrait of the "looser" that the Media wants you to believe in), I was absolutely smitten. I could not believe those guys were telling all these wonderful words to ME! It could not be real. It could only be a dream. They wanted to have a family and children! They wanted TO GET MARRIED AND SETTLE DOWN. Those were the things that I could never expect from a Russian guy. Russian guys are hunted down, and would only capitulate into marriage after a proper siege. Too good to be true? This was exactly my feeling from all those photos and letters.

You probably get the same feeling when you read ads of Russian women on the Internet, well, Russian mail order brides. It is too good to be true, and there must be something wrong either with the website itself or the women that advertise on it.

Well, well, well YOU are looking for a wife. You personally, you are OK, aren't you? So are they.

Why you see so many negative stories about Russian mail order brides in the Media? The Media concentrates on scandal stories because they must sell their newspapers, magazines, etc, and horror stories attract more attention than "happily ever after" fairy tales. (When was the last time you saw a story about a happy marriage on the front page? But a "mail order brides" horror can easily make it.) To sell more copies magazines must publish something "newsworthy". Murders and treachery sell newspapers. This is one reason why you will rarely find happy stories about international couples in the Media.

But there is also a more powerful reason. WHY newspapers want to sell more copies and TV channels to attract more viewers? They would never survive if their only source of income were the regular Joe buying the newspaper on the street corner.

The driving force behind the Media is ADVERTISING, and newspapers, magazines and TV channels' most important goal is to sell advertising space in their editions. Half of their audience is WOMEN. Imagine if they tell in their stories how wonderful are Russian mail order brides, how happy are their husbands and what great kids they have?

Put it simpler, you are not getting all the truth. You are getting the negative information, and seldom the positive.

Let me give the word to people who work in this industry themselves:

Alan, publisher and journalist: "I met Aryna, my Ukrainian bride, through one of these big dating sites and asked the company to publish our story. However, while the site does carry 'true stories' and its service and profiles span the globe, the company's management views and perceptions appear to be parochially American. If the romance is not "N.Y., N.Y. meets Washington D.C." it isn't worthy of publication!"

Anthony Bochene, journalist "Lena and I are an example of just one more success story that you don't read about in the local newspapers. Added to the dozens of other happy couples I've come in contact with in the last few years who would not have met each other without the help of the international romance tour industry, means the general public is not getting the whole truth about this business."

When a negative report is about your own country fellows, you understand that the cases featured in a TV story or an article are extreme; you know very well what the real picture is.

When the report is about some other country, you have no idea about the real picture and often build your impression on incomplete facts.

The thing is, the journalists who write the stories are also only people, and most often, they do not possess the complete information themselves. Often they are affected by the same common misconceptions and myths. The best and most objective stories are usually written by reporters that live in the country they write about. But even then, writing about something they are not professionally involved with, the reporters often follow the usual stereotypes: "mail order brides" mean something that is highly suspicious, and most likely a scam.

I can confirm it from my own experience with interviews to newspapers and magazines: very often they are not supplying you with all the facts. I do not mean that they purposefully mislead their readers; most likely, they just follow their stereotypes. It is not easy to break a common stereotype, built through many years, in the short time allocated to an interview. The very questions journalists ask show how little most of them know about Russia and the situation between sexes in Russia. Some questions that seem to me crucial in the "Russian mail order brides phenomena", are never asked.

Often reporters take some words out of context and it then looks like you said something completely different than what you in fact really said. For example, they would ask me why I did not want to marry a Russian guy, and I would say that I would be happy to marry a Russian guy; that I was actually looking for a Russian guy for a long time but could not find somebody suitable. That because I had a very good career in Russia, good education, and was earning good money, and generally lived very well, I wanted to find somebody like me, who would also be educated and career orientated, and at the same time was unmarried, and willing to commit. I did not look for somebody rich or famous, just a "normal guy". But to find such a guy in Russia for a woman over 25 is all but impossible - and I was already 28, the age where all your family and friends had already written you off as an "old maid" who would never get married: 28 and never married in Russia - is a life sentence. This is why I decided to try to look abroad. Then the magazine would write in their article that I decided to look for a husband abroad because I wanted to marry a guy who had money and a good career, and lived well. Taken out of the context it would sound like I was a perfect "gold-digger"!

This is non unusual in compiling stories. On the TV, they ask you 100 questions, and show only 2-3 of them. So a two-hour interview turns into a few phrases that would sound very different in the light of the previous discussion.

I believe the Media is actually doing a bad service to their countrymen, making them believe that Russian women are hard up and will marry anybody just to get out of their misery.

This is the concept that is extensively exploited by scammers, you have probably heard about them. Dating scammers usually contact unsuspecting men through large Internet personals and start professing their undying love and desire for marriage after a few short letters. The scam scenario fits perfectly with the Media's insinuations, and men believe all they need to do is to pay her travel expenses and they will have a perfect mail order bride at their front door next week Friday. When "she" does not show up on "D"-day, they say "All those Russian women are just a scam" and if they are very unhappy, probably another "mail order brides" horror story is born.

Would people believe this story if she were from Cincinnati, Ohio, and not from Ekaterinburg, Russia? No way! But the Media created a "hot Russian brides" myth, which led them to think this unbelievable situation is possible in the case with a woman from Russia. After all, she is just a mail order bride. See the consequences?

The real, legitimate Russian dating agencies do NOT offer Russian mail order brides.

Russian mail order brides is a thing that does not exist.

There are Russian women that seek contacts with foreign men with the intention of future marriage. Those women are educated, intelligent and smart. They are not going to become intimate submissives or maids. They seek equal partnership and will not tolerate infidelity or abuse. There is nothing wrong with them; they are not doing anything different from women that place ads in your local personals. There is a lack of men in their country, why can't they look elsewhere? We all have the right to seek happiness.

As said by a reporter from Irish TV after I answered their questions about why Russian brides are suddenly so popular in Ireland, "From what you said I see a legitimate matchmaking service and not just some slicky mail order brides operation". And this is exactly what Russian dating agencies offer - introductions to real, existing, marriage minded Russian women. They do not sell women. They offer a way for people from different countries to find each other and be happy.

But those people are free, and bear full responsibility for their own actions. One would not complain on a national television about problems with his "girl-next-door" fiancee, but if she is from Russia, it is the "Russian mail order brides" problem.

It is just a problem of a particular guy, with a particular woman!

There are bad people among all nations; in your country, too, there are probably some men and some women who get ripped off through their marriages - unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about it. Just try to avoid the bad ones to the best of our abilities. No relationship is guaranteed problem-free; it is impossible.

There are hundreds or even thousands of happy international marriages, and there are only a few unhappy ones. One can get into trouble in a marriage with her countryman or his countrywoman; and you know yourself it happens all the time; it probably happened with somebody of your family or friends. Yes, there are gold diggers and social climbers; which nation does not have them? It is not the reason to discriminate against of Russian, or Ukrainian, or Uzbek women.

I do not say marriages to hot Russian brides will guarantee that you will live in paradise on Earth. Not all marriages are the same! But it does not mean it has to end in trouble either.

Most things in life are potential trouble-makers. But, for example, no one cancels adoptions because there were a few adoptive parents that abused their adopted children, and a few adopted kids that later caused great problems for their adoptive parents. People understand that they were rather untypical cases.

More people die in road accidents than of cancer; but no one is thinking about prohibiting cars. What is done concerns road safety.

There are sexually transmitted deceases, including AIDS, but no one is thinking about prohibiting sex. Just take precautions when you do it!

There was a case where an American husband killed his Russian wife. Now what? All Americans marrying foreigners are paranoid murderers?? Was not there ever a case where an American husband killed an American wife? Were marriages in general announced dangerous after that?

Don't throw away the kid with the dirty water, and don't judge a phenomena by some untypical, extreme cases. I went through the process of marrying a foreigner myself, and I was not exploited, or trafficked, or abused, and neither was my husband. It was a story of two people from different countries meeting each other and falling in love.

I am proud to do what I am doing. I am not in the "hot Russian brides" business. I am in a dating business. I am helping people to find their love. I hope with my input there will be a few more happy couples in the world, and a few less lonely people.

Because good people deserve to be happy!

How To Meet Girls That Are Cool

The Essence Of Cool

When it comes to success with women, there's absolutely NOTHING more important than being "cool".  How to meet girls is "THE MAN'S" defining characteristic is that he is COOL.

That's a fact. I don't care how sweet a girl is, no girl wants a guy who is not cool.

But what IS this thing called "COOL"?

For the purpose of this newsletter, I am going to focus on what it means to be cool here in Western culture. Before we even start here, remember this: "COOLNESS" is an IRONIC entity.

Why?

Because being cool means to convey HIGH INTRINSIC VALUE- yet at the SAME TIME, being cool ALSO means that you are giving off the vibe that you are NOT TRYING to be cool. If you need an aspirin now, I understand.

Let me explain:
When you are being cool, you are showing your Superior Intrinsic Value, (as opposed to external/artificial value like winning the lottery) by not even making an effort to prove your value, since you are so secure with it.

In other words, insecurity is the ANTI-cool.

Of course, since AVOIDING ANY MENTION of your value is, in fact, the way to SHOW it, it can seem pretty strange, but nonetheless, this is the LANGUAGE of COOL. If you want to be understood in this culture, you have to learn the secret language of COOL.

Ever notice how the guys who are good with women NEVER seem to be trying? That's because they really AREN'T trying to impress anyone! That doesn't mean they are trying to look INFERIOR.

They just don't do things that smack of approval-seeking.

For example, they defy convention in many ways, preferring to do things in a way that uniquely reflects who they are. This is shown in their clothing, in their language, in their taste in entertainment, etc.

COOLNESS is about FEELING COOL. So you do things your own way, you feel great about yourself, you never show off, and even though you are so relaxed and using so little energy, you've got pep.

When you're cool, and you are not concerned with how to meet girls, you're not worried about what women THINK of you. You feel that they must be worthy of you just as much as they feel you must be worthy of them.

As a matter of fact, once you adopt this way of thinking, you will not be able to comprehend how you could possibly NOT chat with a woman out of fear.

There is nothing to fear:

A COOL PERSONALITY is what counts the most, (no, this is NOT a load of bull) all you have to do is just KEEP IT REAL- have a COOL CONVERSATION, not some desperate, approval seeking, boring, manipulative conversation.

Think about it, what if this woman shows you through her conversation that she's got a crazy personality?

You should not even WANT such a chick, and the way to find out is to first just have a conversation to see if she is psycho! Stop putting women on a pedestal!

Guys that are successful with women are able to just chill with them, or have fun, depending on the situation and what they feel like doing.

They are "smooth". No stilted conversation. No effort.

Ever hear the saying "No sweat"? Think about how being cool is related to not expending much effort.

This is where you get the myth that jerks succeed best with women, because they are so indifferent (or even cruel) and thus clearly not trying.

And jerks do yield SOME results with this approach. They are exhibiting at least one crucial component of being cool: Not trying so hard. And (in this culture) that conveys self-worth, since women interpret the lack of effort to imply that he must have value,- and that he is so secure with that knowledge he doesn't have to try hard to get women. As if women already know that he is valuable, that it's obvious.

But let me tell you something:
A jerk with a boring personality will not get NEARLY as far with women as a guy who both doesn't kiss up AND who ALSO has an EXCITING personality, a PLAYFUL personality, or any other DEEPLY INTERESTING personality. And you don't have to be a jerk to not KISS UP to a woman as if you were inferior.

So how do you convey massive intrinsic value without making it look like you are trying?

This is a TWO PART answer:

First of all, STEER CLEAR of ALL stereotypical things that people do to gain approval. It comes across as INSECURE and actually makes you look INFERIOR. I don't care if you are the King of some empire, if you say it, it will still sound insecure. As if you lacked INTRINSIC worth, so you had to say you were King Jack Sh-t in order to have a chance to be accepted.

The bottom line is that people who are SECURE with themselves NEVER talk about how great they are at meeting girls. They instead ASSUME it is CLEAR that they ARE cool automatically, and so they can just skip all that crap. Guess what happens when people who have no insecurities get into conversation with each other?

The conversation feels COMFORTABLE. No one is showing off and everyone feels they are with worthwhile people.

But wait, it gets better:
We've mentioned that the first key to conveying coolness is to not try to show how great you are. Instead, to just focus on the conversation.

The SECOND key to conveying VALUE is more "active"- you convey VALUE through all the things you are INTRINSICALLY- MOST IMPORTANTLY�. a compelling PERSONALITY.

And THIS is the GREAT EQUALIZER. There are all kinds of inequalities in life, but personality does not have to be one of them. Do not take these words lightly: PERSONALITY COUNTS.

If you look at the guys in real life who are most successful with women, (I'm talking about successful in the sense that the women are NUTS about them, not just that the women are with them, i.e. for money) you will see that they are not only confident and therefore don't crawl for approval, but that they ALSO have COMPELLING PERSONALITIES.

When I say compelling personalities, I mean a personality that you just can't ignore, that you get caught up in. This can mean so many things- it can mean being original, playful, funny, exciting, mysterious, imaginative, romantic, courageous, wild, dangerous- or any combination of the above.

And if you think you have a lame personality, then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

But to be honest with you, most guys have no problem with personality. Their only problem is that they will show personality with their buddies, but not with women!

For success with women, stop TRYING SO HARD.

Be cool.

And if you are reading this right now and would like to learn how to make "being cool" a NATURAL part of your life, in all your dealings with women, from first approach all the way to a relationship if you so desire, then I seriously recommend that you don't waste any time and download my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women.

I spent a lot of time learning things the hard way in the real world before I wrote my book. The book was not something I ever planned to write.

It was the result of thousands of my own notes written to myself over a span of four years- this material was only shared at first with my best friends. The results that they got made me realize that I had something very powerful to share.

There's no "filler"- just the truth about what works and what doesn't. It took me a real long time to get to this point, but you can save time and get on the EXPRESS TRACK on how to meet girls with these ideas and strategies- You can be reading them in just MINUTES from now!

You Are As You Think And Do

**LETTER FROM A FEMALE READER**




quote: (from your newsletter)

"Now, women who are especially attractive are SO EXPERIENCED WITH DATING, and have gone out with SO MANY MEN, that these women have "seen it all" and are pretty darn good at telling which men are full of it and which men are the real deal."




I am shy but have been told I'm very attractive. I don't date. I don't go out with SO MANY MEN. You think because someone may be pleasing to the eye they get asked out a lot? -Think again. It's the opposite.




I also yearn for a naturally dominant man to sweep me off my feet and 'take me out of myself' but; my goodness - if you are teaching all these techniques to submissive men what happens when I bring him home from the shop so to speak!? Should I sue you for misrepresentation of product?




I'm not being deliberately fasci.. facis.. sillly :) here, but making a valid point. I want someone gentle and kind... but someone with status. Who carries it off wonderfully and who does not secretly want to be taken over my knee and told he is a naughty boy because he has a high pressure job and has to 'act' dominant all the time, when secretly he would like to be spoon fed ice cream and wrapped up in cotton wool. (and no, I'm not talking from past experience - and no - that was not just negation either).




I could go on but it's way past my bedtime - aren't you the lucky one

Goodnight.. and God bless

Ashley K.




**MY COMMENTS**




I don�t normally include letters from women, but I wanted to include this one to show you the danger of taking what women say literally, and also to show you how THE REAL MEANING so you can read between the lines.




So to translate, what she is REALLY SAYING is:




"I want a guy who will take Initiative IN STARTING THE CONVERSATION ("naturally dominant") and I want a guy who will not OGLE and LEER at me but actually interact with me in a smooth high class high status manner, who will not just whistle at me and talk about me to his buddies but never actually open his mouth to talk to me, (hence the complaint about "not getting asked out"), I want a guy who HAS HIS ACT TOGETHER"




"Naturally dominant" means that women don't have to EXPLAIN this stuff to a guy. He should KNOW how to take the initiative and lead the "dating" show. "Take me out of myself" means that he must make her feel GOOD about releasing he inhibitions and not make her feel guilty and thus initiate the physical stuff so that she doesn't have to feel "weird" about it, it means that he has to do it all in a CLASSY way that doesn't make her feel like a piece of trash but makes HER feel like SHE has status.




(yup, it's all about how SHE feels of course, but that is natural for all human beings)




And regarding "status" trust me, again, all most women mean is a guy who has his

act together, is a man with a plan, who doesn't take crap, and knows how to handle himself socially and knows how to make her FEEEEEEEEEEL feel like HE is cool, thereby making HER feel cool to be in association with him.




Sure, women SAY they want the President of the United States, but how does that explain all the guys who are everything from carpenters to plumbers to lawyers to teachers to paramedics to tellers to you-name-it WHO HAVE AWESOME SUCCESS WITH WOMEN-




Status means you BEHAVE WITH STATUS and make her FEEEEEL privileged to be with you. And aim for something high in your life rather than being a lazy bum.




Does the stereotypical "status" help?

Sure it can make it easeir, but just to prove to myself that it's not a major factor, in my previous job which was a high status job, I PURPOSELY would only pick up women who DID NOT KNOW my position. In other words, I didn't go out with too many women from my social circle and instead relied 99% on picking up women. And it was great, and I even had women telling me how refreshing it was to meet a guy who didn't have to flaunt his status with women lol.




Do you GET THIS?????

In other words, what had happened, was that because I BEHAVED IN A WAY WHERE I WAS NOT IMPRESSED WITH ANYONE'S STATUS, I REMOVED THE POWER OF "STATUS" IN THE FIRST PLACE.




AND THAT, IRONICALLY, GAVE ME THE ULTIMATE STATUS.




YOU **ARE** AS YOU THINK AND DO.

Seriously, think about that for a while. And think about how FEW people can TRULY resist this forces of social pressure.

IF YOU YOURSELF CAN LEARN TO RESIST THE FORCES OF SOCIAL PRESSURE, YOU WILL CREATE A WHOLE NEW FRAMEWORK WHERE WHAT YOU DECIDE IS OR IS NOT IMPORTANT WILL BECOME HER REALITY AS WELL.




So remember to not listen to what women say VERBATIM, but the REAL MESSAGE BEHIND THE MESSAGE.




And in fact, now as The Dating Wizard, I never tell girls what I do until way way later. Although I will tell them if I think they would hate me, because I love the challenge of having a girl who hates me end up going nuts for me. To be honest with you though, most high self esteem women agree with 99.99 percent of what I write, honestly.




On with the translation:

"I don't want an ass kisser, and I don't want submissive men who deep down wish to be taken over the knee."




Women are raised from childhood to be 'RESCUED' by their cool knight in shining armour, so a guy who needs to be submissive really ruins this fantasy. If guys could only learn to just APPEAL to this side of a woman, they could have almost any woman forever.




Their problem would be "how do I GET RID of all the excess of women now that I already have tons of women who want to spend all their time with me exclusively?"




There you have it, from their mouths to your ears, translated by your friendly neighborhood Dating Wizard.




**LETTER FROM A READER**




Hi Michael,

As 2004 ends, I just wanted to say "Thank-you!" for all the advice and the help it has given me this year in my relationships with that most formidable creature, "woman". Your ideas, approaches and TRUE understanding of male/female interaction and attraction dynamics have helped me achieve peace of mind, and a realization of how truly worthy I am as a person. I am happily married (14 years now) but because of my position and status, I've found that trying to "figure out" women and their sincerity (both personally and professionally) has been incredibly frustrating and can really deal a blow to one's self-esteem.




But, with your sage and perceptive columns/advice, which I read several times (EVERY day!!!), I have learned to "be myself" and not to have to worry about approval from anyone (especially "flaky" and insincere women who just want validation! and nothing else). Keep up the great work for us "The Man" wannabes, because your advice is dead-on balls accurate and psychologically uplifting, especially needed these days when "women" are killing us at our own game! I look forward to all your insights of 2005!

Happy New Year!!!

Love ya', Bro!

Tom W.




**MY COMMENTS**




And a Happy New Year to you to, Bro! It's awesome hearing about guys getting back their power and self-esteem, especially the good guys, I LOVE this stuff!!!!




And your letter also serves as a reminder to guys out there to not get played for money by women.




Ultimately, YOUR OWN BELIEF IN YOUR OWN WORTH will create your level of sexiness, because when YOU believe in yourself, you exhibit all the signs of superiority. The funny thing is though, that that's when you really don�t need approval from women anyway, because you�re feeling so good already, and of course as women see this attitude, they want you even more.




One more thing about the money and status thing- I always believe it's important to be cool and behave the way you would behave if you KNEW you were the best thing on earth for a woman. So, if a guy REALLY believes that, then he KNOWS that his money isn't that important, because it's him. So if you are a cool guy, don't show off anything, and don�t try to look like a cheesy guy trying to "nonchalantly" mention his cool things.




If you have tons of cash, let her find out later in a way where it was clear you were not trying to show off. If you work out and look great, let her find out later. Let all the other insecure guys show off their biceps in that needy way. If you got the bis, keep them to yourself till the moment is natural. I know this from experience.




Women have seen all the games, and they KNOW when a guy is trying to show off because he is insecure. Guys think they are gaining points but the truth is they are losing points. And if you really think about it, if you KNOW you are the best, you wouldn't need to HINT AT IT ALL THE TIME, wouldja?




You can show STATUS in the way that COUNTS by simply being assertive being masculine and taking initiative and not doing anything that is needy or aggressive in trying to "force" something to happen. Having the basic social skills to have a fun teasing conversation that shows her she's gonna have to be playful to play with you is always nice.




Knowing how to escalate to the physical in a smoooth way is also really helpful.




**LETTER FROM A READER**




Jiz Michael!

I was always disappointed with all these "dating gurus" because they learn only how to get to the f*&%, not how to be happy long term. You know: approach - seduce � f*&^, but what next?! Thank you very much for your lesson (all your newsletters are gold ;)), now I seem to understand what was missing in my relationships.




Regards

Brent T.




**MY COMMENTS**




First of all, thanks for the positive words, I really do appreciate knowing this stuff is making a difference. Honestly, meeting the guys and hearing from them is worth more to me than a billion dollars. I know that may seem hard to believe, but at least at this point in my life, the fire burns so strong in me on this topic that I feel a bond with every good guy on the planet. I start my days early, and I end them late, and somehow I still can't get satiate this burning desire to spread the word.




Who knows, maybe this is therapy for me.




I honestly do believe that good men have been hoodwinked by a combination of factors, not all intentional. The bottom line is that in the past, there was a TRADE OFF between men and women:

Men and women got married early, men worked and women raised the kids and everyone had a responsibility.




So a man went out, courted a woman to show he would be a good husband, gifts were a token of his ability to be a provider and care for her, and she behaved more modestly, showing her devotion and that she would be a good wife.




Of course there were plenty of screw ups happening then too, but not like the wildfire of today.




A great book on this is "A Return To Modesty".




Well, men are still acting as if women are GIVING something, when in fact women are not giving ANYTHING.




The fact is women don't need men's money or gifts or favours since they are earning their own money, and have their own political and social power, if not more social power since men think they have to feel "guilty" for being a man while women flaunt it.




All this actually leads to a terrible end for women by the way- prozac, broken families, but hey, they get to drink with their girlfriends and blow themselves into oblivion this way, now that women have the wonderful privilege of ruining their lives. All this is documented very well, there was FAR LESS USE of antidepressants by women if you go back just a few generations. Also, there was far more safety on the streets for a woman, even at night, even in the cities, because more men had RESPECT




By the way, OF COURSE I'm against violence to women. I don't need some freak taking this column into a condoning of violence. What I AM saying though is to NOT ACCEPT ONE IOTA OF BULLSHIT FROM ANY WOMAN.




Remember that these columns are especially designed for guys who have not yet read my eBook or met me in person, so I have to be kinda harsh to get the point across.




But in general, once you internalize these concepts, you learn to be very smooth and relaxed in applying them. I LOVE women, all kinds, and enjoy chatting with them even if it's not about sex or anything like that.




Especially women that are high self esteem who live healthy lifestyles and stay away from smokes, drugs, and alcohol, and who don't need to play incessant ridiculous validation games.




And there really are women like this out there, you just have to get yourself in the circulation to meet them.




Anyway, because of the major shifts in power and equality and social responsibilities, giving gifts and being too nice to women who haven't EARNED it is just total bullshit.




Till this day, I get letters from guys wanting to know WHICH restaurant to take a woman to. My advice is to FORGET the restaurant and focus on making YOURSELF the event. Make YOURSELF a cool guy with a cool life and make yourself the highlight so that she wants to be with YOU more than some damn restaurant.




There is no trade off today UNLESS YOU BEHAVE AS THE MAN AND INSIST ON IT.




Not verbally.

Not directly, as in "hey you must show me respect".

But through your BEHAVIOURS.

Through your confident humor.

Through your teasing.

Through your high standards.

Through not giving special favours or anything "special" till she EARNS them.




Guys have to learn to hold back on all the extras, or they will absolutely get taken for a f(*&^%$ ride.




The amazing thing is what happens when you are THE MAN from the beginning. Women immediately FEEL that this guy is a guy who doesn't take any shit, who is not bitter, who is upbeat, and who can handle them easily.




The intangible attractive power you gain from following the advice in my materials is REAL.




But in order to BE THE MAN, however, you must stay ON TRACK and hang on tooth and nail.




This is ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT TO REALIZE at those times when you think you can "afford" to veer off course. When you think that your power is so great that you can do screwy things.




But you CAN'T.




For example, let's say you have CLEANED UP YOUR LIFE from women who have tried to abuse you, take advantage of you, etc, and now your life has women that are superior in both mind, body, and in terms of a healthy non drinking non smoking lifestyle, upbeat personality, etc.




THIS IS WHEN suddenly you will find all kinds of the WRONG WOMEN coming out of the woodwork and running after you and wanting you. WHY is this, you ask? The answer is because they sense that you don't NEED them, that you are SUPERIOR to them, and that you have MOVED AWAY from their type. And this makes them feel INFERIOR, and they wish for nothing else but to be VALIDATED by your approval.




The problem is, ASSOCIATING WITH THESE WOMEN IN ANY FORM OR FASHION will cause a SHIFT in the "DNA" of your MENTAL PROCESSES and your STATE OF MIND.




First of all, any time you associate with anyone who has the wrong values, values that are not compatible with your own, it will cause a CONFLICT with your values, and you will experience INNER CONFLICT. This is the greatest turmoil one can experience and the source of all confusion that one experiences.




Second of all, negative people will stop at NOTHING to get YOU to ALSO experience their negativity and to get the VALIDATING from sucking you into their reality and kissing their ass.




They will cry to you.

They will pretend their life is in crisis.

They will even do some superficial nice things for you.




It's all a sham in her effort to get VALIDATED by you, and why I keep on saying how important it is to meet a woman who is ALREADY A PRETTY CONTENT AND REASONABLY HAPPY PERSON, as YOU should be yourself as well.




It's just the way it is. They can't help but put their negative frame on everything, because that's the way they see the world, through jealousy, anger, insecurity, ignorance, impatience, tricks, deceit, lies, etc.




And they want you to get sucked into that, and they will treat you negatively as well. The whole thing is just one giant IMPLOSION waiting to happen.




And number three, if you allow CRAP back into your life just because CRAP wants YOU, what you are basically telling your BRAIN is that the CRAP is somehow WORTH your time. And that YOU deserve the crap, either because you are crap yourself, or because somehow this is "special" crap.




And so now you fall into the TRAP. You start spending more and more time on them, getting SUCKED into their negative reality, and you try harder and harder, yet get less and less results.




All because of human ego, your own ego telling you that no way could you have made a mistake, so you keep trying harder to prove that it all can work out.




One of the PRIMARY EXAMPLES OF THIS WHOLE PHENOMENON is when a guy becomes THE MAN, sometimes EX-girlfriends will come chasing after him.




This can be quite TEMPTING to a guy. Having girls that were evil to him suddenly now CHASING him.




All sorts of VALIDATION here.

And it SEEMS harmless.

It can be tempting to give in and go for it.




But it's a COLOSSAL mistake. Think of it as a TROJAN HORSE. It LOOKS like a gift, it LOOKS nice. But it's just waiting to get back inside and unleash HAVOC on your positive emotions and DESTROY THEM.




The mind is your most POWERFUL tool, not only for attraction but for EVERYTHING. It's a tool that evolved over MILLIONS OF YEARS. But you must treat it with ULTIMATE respect and ONLY feed it the most




POSITIVE HEALTHY INPUT.




In my opinion, it's NEVER a good idea to EVER go back to a woman who mistreated you in the past no matter WHAT THE HELL she offers you now, promises you now, says now, or does now.




In fact, when you become THE MAN, and you experience this, just let it serve as a reminder to you of your VALUE all along.




That's right.

Because you see, very often a woman KNOWS she has an awesome guy, but she just takes him for granted and has "excuses" for all her horrifying behaviour.




Yes, horrifying, because when a good man is not respected while jerk offs are, that's horrifying.




Anyway, suddenly, when the guy becomes THE MAN, the woman suddenly "figures out" how to treat him "right".




Well guess what?

It�s too late.




If a woman comes back to you from your past, a woman who mistreated you, and she promises she has changed and all that shit, (the truth is, she only has changed because she now knows she MUST) tell her that it's just real nice that she's changed but that she should give her great holy new self to someone else.




Let someone else get her, the great bargain that she is.




Get it?

Letting her back in is like playing with a disease. If you had a disease removed from your body, would you ever want it back even if it promised to treat you nicely this time? No, you�d just be happy that it was OUT.




So KEEP IT THAT WAY. Because honestly, NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND NEGATIVE EMOTIONS are "diseases" of the mind.




Just thank God that you are now THE MAN and that you have eradicated the crappy negative emotions like neediness and insecurity and kissing up to women out of your system.




There are billions of women on the planet, and there is no reason to go back to any woman that showed you less than 100 PERCENT respect unless you believe you are a PUNCHING BAG that deserves to be beaten down in every way.




Remember, your self-esteem is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, don't expect anyone else to take care of it for you. So guard your self esteem with every morsel of your willpower and strength no matter what.




That way, you will NOT have to become a bitter guy, because you will be in the position to attract only HIGH SELF ESTEEM women and you will know to IMMEDIATELY reject the warped sadistic low self esteem women out there.




Like attracts like.




If you would like to get a better understanding of how all the different aspects of attraction and female psychology tie together, then I recommend you immediately download my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women.




It's the DNA for everything else I teach, and it will show you how to approach women, get dates instantly, how to escalate to getting physical, and even has a special section on relationship tips that I haven�t found anywhere else on the planet.

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